One of the most common uses of Facebook for me was a soapbox for discussing political, scientific, or religious issues; issues I felt were far more important that the minutiae of our daily lives. However, after repeated conversations like the one that follows and direct messages to me about the quality of my character, I decided that Facebook just wasn’t worth the effort anymore. I had little connection to the 250-some friends I had at that point, down from the 350 I had amassed the previous year. That’s right, I unfriended or was unfriended by roughly 100 people over the course of a year for my social commentary. Coincidentally, these people failed to see the common denominator between their pointless status updates about missing their husband or significant other and my poignant comments; they’re both irrelevant to the opposite party.
I’m back on Facebook now, but maintaining just over 50 friends; people I know and care about as opposed to friending people willy-nilly to validate my existence with high school acquaintances who wouldn’t give me the time of day back then, but are desperate to see what it is I’m doing with my life these days.
Without further ado, here’s perhaps one of the most ridiculous conversations in the history of Facebook (there’s a reference to Billy Madison somewhere in there):
Daniel Uzupis is watching a documentary and just heard a nurse midwife say, in so many words, that obstetricians were unnecessary not because they were superfluous, but because they knew nothing of the birthing process. Really?
Daniel Uzupis: Were I a redneck, I’d be firing my pistol at the screen.
JB: I hate the stupidity of those fucking idiots. Really.
Daniel Uzupis: Seriously, I’m not a physician and I even know a few things about Evidence-Based Medicine.
Jane Doe: but sometimes they do things that aren’t natural…or at least make the birthing process a less than a human function,,,I sometimes feel they forget there is a person attached to that vagina!!!!
Girls!! alittle help here!!!!!
Daniel Uzupis: Natural does not mean better, Jane. You of all people should know that. The nurse midwife said that doctors essentially knew nothing, and that was the fault of hospital birth. She stated that nurse midwives were the best option because obstetricians, who we both know study for four years on top of medical school, are entirely ignorant of the birthing process.
Keep in mind, you’re an ambassador for your healthcare organization. You wouldn’t want to say anything that would reflect poorly upon the qualifications of the clinicians or your boss. Or maybe you do, so mutual friends can determine where *not* to receive care.
Besides, we all know that nurse midwives pawn-off a pregnancy to an obstetrician at the *first* sign of trouble, which means that they truly are idiots if they’re passing off a complex delivery to one of those ignorant physicians.
Actually, Jane, I have a better idea: Put your money where your mouth is. If you feel that what your healthcare organization does is unnatural, why don’t you change careers and move to a different specialty or new industry altogether? It sounds to me like you think you know more than the chairman and every other attending physician there who is highly specialized in evidence-based OB/GYN. Perhaps you should petition to teach a course on how to deliver children properly?
Jane Doe: Daniel, my dear….I am not professing any such thing…and I did say “sometimes”….things happen there, and I am glad there are docs there, believe me!! and I am the first one to say…Yes, get an epidural!!and call anesthesia so fast their heads are spinning…. and yes, there are midwives who try to go above and beyond and handle things that are truly out of their league!! but sometimes you can be working with a patient…trying to get them to push a baby out and finally getting things happening, having them turning and squatting..etc.., the baby is crowning..and then “they” come in and want to do everything “normal” which in some cases, wasn’t working to begin with, and becomes a power struggle which I detest, cause no one wins, certainly not the patient…some things just can’t come from a textbook, maybe that’s the point the midwife was trying to make!!!!!! thanks, gotta go watch elvis & bruce!!!!
We, as nurses, do try and educate residents/students…most of us have been doing this for alot longer then people spend in medical school…..Obstetrician means to ” watch”
Daniel Uzupis: Jane, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
JB: THE END ?!
MK: I went to bed early one night, and look what happens! The progeny is coming out whether there is someone there to catch or not. The ultimate goal is a live, breathing, responsive future member of a society gone mad. Things go badly quickly in labor. Education, evidence based decisions, experience and interaction with the patient may help prevent a disaster, ignorance will not.
Jane Doe: Daniel…come down to L&D, put on scrubs and put your money where your mouth is!! I would love to see you do it!! You really didn’t have to get nasty though, did you????I don’t see how sitting around in a coffee shop staring at a laptop qualifies you to comment on delivering babies….
MP: FATALITY! Daniel Wins! Insert 2 Credits To Continue. 10. 9. 8…
Jane Doe: You are such “girls”…
JB: Ad hominem, how I love thee.
CCP: this is hilarious.
Daniel Uzupis: Jane, I would be more than happy to put my money where my mouth is. In fact, I’m copying and pasting the whole of this comment thread in an e-mail to Dr. [redacted], the Chairman of Obstetrics and Gynecology, and Dr. [redacted], the Director of Medical Education, so they can determine how best to train doctors henceforth.</sarcasm>
You obviously know very little about medicine without continuing your medical education with evidence-based research and insisting upon supplementing your knowledge with highly subjective anecdotal experience. My suggestion: Get a subscription to several peer-reviewed medical/OB-GYN journals and ask to join morning report with the residents, students, and attending physicians.
I do not sit in a coffee shop staring at a laptop all day. In fact, I spend most of my day reading, studying, writing my doctoral dissertation, and questioning anecdotal evidence to reach a higher truth. Furthermore, I don’t practice medicine, nor am I qualified to do so; so asking that I deliver a child would simply be a stark reminder of your poor decision-making skills in medicine.
Cheers!
Jane Doe: I’m sure that Dr. [redacted] & Dr. [readacted] would really give a shit about FB….I didn’t ask you to deliver a baby, jackass, I invited you to come down and witness the “miracle of birth” on the unit and see for yourself how it takes not only technical skills and evidence-based research to deliver a baby, but also caring human beings who sometimes need to adapt to different situations and accommodate the various cultures and beliefs of the patients we care for. There are gray areas Daniel in medicine, but you wouldn’t know that because you are so busy searching for a higher truth….I suggest you visit the real world. You don’t know what journals I do or do not read, I didn’t know you were such a peckerhead, although, I have suspected it for awhile.
Daniel Uzupis: This isn’t about Facebook, Jane, it’s about your qualifications as a healthcare employee. I may be a dick, but that doesn’t make me wrong. And when I say higher truth, to what I’m referring are *facts*, not your subjective and highly anecdotal interpretation of evidence-based medicine.
I know what clinicians do; I spent a solid two years in [redacted] seeing just how a clinic functions and tailoring an EMR to medical education in a clinical environment. I understand patient care and I know what it entails. But I also understand elitism and the healthcare caste system that exists between nurses and physicians.
You, as an RN on a labor floor, can only do what a *physician* tells you to do, which means you spend much of your time engaged in egotistical battles with physicians, who, despite your anecdotal doctorate, know more than you. This is a growing problem I’ve seen with many a young nurse these days: The belief that working directly with patients assumes unlimited knowledge of medical science, patient care, and healthcare administration.
Also, if you’re looking for the correct definition of a ‘miracle’, something birth is *not*, click here: http://bit.ly/1tIZnN
Jane, one last comment before I forget: Don’t confuse bedside manner with evidence-based medicine. We all know there’s a human being involved in the birthing process; two, usually. Unless we’re talking about the Singularity.
CCP: best thread of the day.
JB: This is fucking hilarious, EPIC, et al.
Jane Doe: Thanks for the “young” comment…I’ll take that….but you are a dick.
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So, after that, I changed my status to reflect my new nickname:
Daniel Uzupis is a “peckerhead” because he will not hesitate to call you out on your lack of qualifications or education.
Jane Doe: you got the first part right, but you know nothing @,me
Daniel Uzupis: I know you have difficulty using a keyboard and applying proper grammar and spelling.
CCP: i like peckerheads. they’re delicious.
Daniel Uzupis: C, I think you mean these: http://bit.ly/al4oQ3
CCP: those are also delicious. but more sour than salty.
JB: I mean, of all the insulting language to use, you come up with peckerhead? Fascinating case.
Jane Doe: just look at him!!!
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Eventually, the following became Jane’s new status message very shortly before I unfriended her. Shortly thereafter, she sent me rude and threatening direct messages, to which I responded by blocking and reporting her for harassment.
Jane Doe Walking the dog…then off to bed….good night everyone, even peckerhead and his friends